Reflections at the start of a New Year

I was listening to a podcast yesterday (this is what I do) and the speaker was talking about how she preferred intentions to resolutions. The reason being that resolutions focus on something you want to change or something you weren’t doing that you now want to resolve to do differently. In other words, they begin from a negative place, from something you are NOT currently doing.

Usually, at the beginning of a new year, you resolve to change or do somethings differently. For example, say you haven’t been exercising, you might resolve to exercise every day in the New Year. When you fall short and miss a day, you end up giving up because you feel like a failure because you already didn’t live up to your resolution. By contrast, intentions are something that you aspire to do. They’re hopeful. You intend to exercise every day instead of you resolve to exercise every day. This sets you up for success because it moves away from all or nothing thinking. You try to exercise every day and when you inevitably fall short, you can try again the next day without beating yourself up, because it continues to be your intention. By contrast, if you resolved to exercise every day, and you skip a day, you feel like you failed in your resolve and are quickly motivated to quit.

I really liked this thinking because this is something that I struggle with a lot. I believe all or nothing thinking is something that has plagued me in the past and continues to plague me although I’m making a conscious effort to change this mindset.

I was discussing this with my husband the other day and I told him that I needed to work on having some compassion for myself. As I was reflecting on the year 2019, initially, all I could think about were the challenges and things that I was NOT able to accomplish as planned. However, following the advice of one of my mentors, I went back and looked through my iPhone pictures to remind myself of everything that had happened this past year.

When I did that, I realized, that I had had an incredible year, full of nothing but blessings. I had traveled, my father was cancer-free, my mom’s health scare turned out to be nothing more than a scare, my good friend was responding very well to her cancer treatment, we had embarked on a new project to design and build a new house (a designer’s dream)… in short, I had had a remarkable year and yet, at first thought, all I could think of was: the struggle with my father during his illness, my mom’s health scare and the feelings of uncertainty that came with them, how we had to pack up the entire house and move in one month and now were commuting every day for 2+ hours a day, my good friend’s diagnosis and when she broke the news to us, how I didn’t finish my blog like I wanted to, how I didn’t declutter my life like I wanted to, how I didn’t spend as much time on my side hustle as I wanted to… on and on it went. In short, my focus was on the negative and everything that I hadn’t accomplished rather than having some compassion for myself for all the challenges I had overcome, all the things I had been able to accomplish (that I hadn’t planned for but still had done) and JOY for all the blessings and gifts in my life.

So this year, my intention for the year is simple:

I am aiming for Progress, not Perfection.

My intention is to continue to work on myself and grow.

My intention is to lead a healthier life. (eat better, stay active, sleep regularly, recharge and self-care)

My intention is to continue to try to declutter my life and my spaces.

My intention is to dedicate more time to my side hustle.

My intention is to connect and spend more time with the people I value most in life.

My intention is to finish and move into my new home.

My intention is to work on my blog. (I’m doing this now)

My intention is to be more intentional.